I need help removing her.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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