I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
