Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
