I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
