Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
