I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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