You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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