The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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