I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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