i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize