Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
