I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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