Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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