Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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