break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
