Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
