I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
