and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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