if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's like iHOP with fire
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
