omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
