it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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