his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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