We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
