You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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