so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
