Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize