i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize