Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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