i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
