woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
