At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
