kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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