a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
