fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
