It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
