You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
