If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
