i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
