Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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