Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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