I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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