i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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