Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I supernannyed him into submission
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
