Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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