we're chasing vodka with high fives
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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