Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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