Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
