i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
