I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
