so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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