dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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