Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize