Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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