is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
