remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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