theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize