my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
