he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
