i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
