One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
