it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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