would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
