so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
