Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
