I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
