: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
