my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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