One girl and one boy is just not enough.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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